5 Reasons We Need to Stop Sending Future Leaders to Boarding School | Piers Cross

Prince George is set to attend Eton College.

For many, this will be seen as tradition.

A future king following in the footsteps of his father.

A prestigious education.

A pathway into leadership.

But I think we need to ask a deeper question.

Is boarding school really the best way to prepare someone for leadership in the 21st century?

Having researched boarding school trauma for many years, and having worked one-to-one with ex-

boarders, leaders and high-achieving men and women, I believe we need to seriously rethink this assumption.

Modern leadership is no longer simply about authority, status or command.

It is about emotional intelligence.

It is about empathy.

It is about connection.

It is about the ability to listen, regulate, relate and serve.

So here are five reasons why I believe we need to stop sending our future leaders to boarding school.

1. Great Leadership Needs Love

In The Leadership Challenge, Kouzes and Posner write that one of the best-kept secrets of successful leadership is love.

That may sound uncomfortable to some people.

Especially in Britain.

Especially in leadership circles.

Especially for those of us who grew up in emotionally repressed environments.

But great leadership does require love.

Not sentimental love.

Not indulgence.

But care.

Commitment.

Respect.

A deep concern for the people we lead.

The problem is that boarding school is often an environment where children learn to live without love.

Louise Champion writes that however well-meaning adults in such institutions may be, they do not love the child.

They may care.

They may supervise.

They may teach.

But they do not love the child in the way a parent, grandparent or secure attachment figure does.

If we remove children from love, and then train them to survive without it, should we be surprised when they later struggle to lead with love?

2. Boarding School Teaches Emotional Repression

Nick Duffell writes that the principal effect of boarding is a problem with emotion.

This is central.

Boarding school often teaches children not to feel too much.

Do not cry.

Do not show fear.

Do not be too excited.

Do not need anyone.

Do not show vulnerability.

The child learns to flatten.

To suppress.

To dissociate.

Yet modern leadership research tells us that emotions are essential to good decision-making.

Antonio Damasio’s work shows that emotional information is not the enemy of reason.

It is part of how we make wise decisions.

Daniel Goleman’s work on emotional intelligence also shows that success is not simply about IQ.

Leadership requires emotional awareness.

Self-regulation.

Empathy.

Relational skill.

If we train children out of their emotions, we are not preparing them for leadership.

We are preparing them for disconnection.

3. Boarding School Separates Leaders from the People They Will Lead

If a child is educated primarily among the elite, surrounded by others from similar backgrounds, how do they learn to understand the lives of the people they may one day lead?

This is a profound issue.

Leadership is not simply about being able to speak well or pass exams.

It is about understanding people.

Their struggles.

Their hopes.

Their fears.

Their lived experience.

When future leaders are separated from ordinary life, they risk becoming disconnected from the communities they are meant to serve.

This is not just a political issue.

It is a human issue.

If leadership is about service, then leaders need contact with the people they serve.

4. Future Leaders Need Flexible Brains

The 21st century requires adaptability.

Yuval Noah Harari has spoken about the importance of flexibility in the modern world.

Leaders need to respond to uncertainty.

They need to pivot.

They need to listen.

They need to hold complexity.

They need to change their mind when the evidence changes.

But secure attachment is one of the foundations of a flexible brain.

Sue Gerhardt’s work shows the importance of early relationships in shaping emotional and neurological development.

When children are separated from secure attachment figures too early, they may develop survival adaptations that are rigid, controlling or emotionally defended.

That may have suited an older command-and-control model of leadership.

It does not suit the world we are now living in.

5. Boarding School Does Not Create Real Resilience

One of the most common arguments in favour of boarding school is that it creates resilience.

I disagree.

What boarding school often creates is not resilience.

It is dissociation.

There is a significant difference.

Resilience is the ability to feel, regulate, recover and reconnect.

Dissociation is the ability to split off from feeling and keep going.

From the outside, dissociation can look like confidence.

It can look like composure.

It can look like strength.

But underneath there may be fear, shame, loneliness and emotional disconnection.

Many ex-boarders learn to wear a mask.

They appear confident.

They appear capable.

They appear in control.

But this is not necessarily true confidence.

It is often a survival personality.

Modern leadership needs something deeper.

It needs transparency.

It needs authenticity.

It needs leaders who can say:

I made a mistake.

I do not know.

I need help.

I am listening.

That is real strength.

The Leadership We Now Need

The old model of leadership was command and control.

Do as I say.

Do not question.

Do not feel.

Do not show weakness.

That model is no longer enough.

The future needs compassionate leaders.

Emotionally intelligent leaders.

Leaders who can connect.

Leaders who care about the people they lead.

Leaders who understand the impact of childhood, trauma, attachment and emotional development.

This is why the conversation about boarding school matters.

It is not simply about education.

It is about the kind of leaders we are creating.

And if we want leaders who are compassionate, emotionally intelligent and connected to the people they serve, we need to stop assuming that elite boarding schools are the best place to form them.

Maybe the real question is not:

Which school should future leaders attend?

Maybe the real question is:

What kind of human beings do we want our future leaders to become?