Men's work – 3 Reasons Why Men's Groups Are So Powerful
Men's work – 3 Reasons Why Men's Groups Are So Powerful
Today I would like to talk about men's work.
I would like to talk about the power that it holds and why I recommend all men to do men's work.
I will also talk about 3 reasons why I feel men's work is so powerful in this day and age.
...
This past weekend I have been staffing as a volunteer for the men's charity the Mankind Project (MKP). The MKP run workshops and rites of passage weekends for men. It was a very powerful few days with a great group of attendees and staff men. It was not without it's challenges (as I will share later), but this is part of what I love about doing men's work – the ability to move through and deepen our relationships with other men through these challenges.
Women have been doing their own work and their own groups for years. And although men have been doing men's work in small amounts since the 1980s birthed by Robert Bly, it has never been on the scale of women's groups.
A lot of women seem to be comfortable with sitting in circle, sharing and showing their emotions. For men, on the other hand, in my experience this is not the case.
So today I wanted to talk about why I feel it is time that men step up and do men's work.
---
What is men's work?
Men's work for me is when a group of men specifically meet with the purpose of talking about, and healing the challenges that are arising or have arisen in their life. Rather than blame or shame others for their problems, men's work is about taking full responsibility for all that shows up in your life.
For many, this is a challenge. Full responsibility. We have got comfortable. We have got safe. We have got used to the treadmill. Stepping off the treadmill even for a weekend and meeting ourselves can be painful. And yet it can also be incredibly healing. Yes, healing.
We have become a society that says that any form of pain is bad. Suffering is wrong. And yet, for thousands of years spiritual traditions have taught us that it is by transcending suffering that we heal. It is through feeling our pain and letting it go that we find true happiness and contentment in life.
Men's work for me is that. It is challenging. Challenging to meet myself in my shadows and my shit. Challenging to see what I might have become or what I have done. But if we live in denial then usually we stay in denial.
---
The catalyst
Often what brings men to do the work is when a challenge arises. It might be a breakup, a relationship falling apart, health deteriorating or financial collapse. Instead of being eternally focused outside we have to look within.
So below I offer 3 reasons why I feel men's work is so needed in today's society:
1. Men don't need to do it alone
Yes, men have been taught that we have to be self sufficient. But the truth is that not only do we not have to do it on our own, but it takes us so much less time when we have the support of others.
By joining a men's group or attending an MKP event you drop the need to stay in your stuff alone and get help to move through it.
2. By sharing your vulnerability you grow closer to others
Most men carry this mask. The mask that “I'm okay”, the mask that “I'm sorted”. But the truth is that most men are not sorted. That is clear by looking at the statistics of suicide. 75% of all suicides are carried out by men and the leading killer of men in the UK under 45 is suicide.
But once men learn to share their stories and their vulnerabilities with others a bond is formed. I personally find that once I know someone's story my heart opens. I hear their pain and see beneath the mask that they are truly human. The masks drop.
3. You get to face your challenges and move through them
Another benefit of men's work is not that you don't have challenges. No, you still have them but you have a chance to work through them rather than suppress like we have done for so many years.
Yesterday in my volunteering work a man said some critical things of me. I had made a mistake and had mentioned what I had done. The other man was upset and said words from a critical place. I immediately felt anger and rage. And beneath that were tears.
I shared where I was at. And then 20 minutes later the man and I talked. We cleared – we spoke what was coming up for us by taking full responsibility for our actions. By the end we hugged and I felt closer to this man than I had before.
As men, and women, often we ignore the anger or the uncomfortable emotions and we won't speak our truth. And yet when we do in a safe place, a great healing can occur. This is another reason why I feel men's work is so powerful.
I hope that you found this useful and please do comment below or share to men who you feel could do with some time with other men to heal and grow.
I run regular retreats for men in the UK. If you know a man or you are that man who wants some time out to recharge and re-find your direction please visit my retreats page.
Please do connect with Mankind Project and I recommend their weekend training called the New Warrior Training Adventure.
Many blessings,
Piers
An Evolving Man Podcast #72 Trauma, Sex, Relationships, Shame, & Healing | Yuval Mann Sexual Teacher Talks About How We Recover From Sexual Shame
An Evolving Man Podcast #71 Mervin Canham – Childhood Trauma & Addictions Addictions Specialist Talks About Recovery and Men's Mental Health
An Evolving Man Podcast AEM #70 - Alan Clements Buddhist Insights Into War, Extreme Conflict, Trauma, and Dictatorships
An Evolving Man Podcast AEM #69 - Jane Evans Childhood Trauma Through Polyvagal Theory & Subconscious Belief Lens
An Evolving Man Podcast AEM #68 - Wendy Capewell Psychotherapist & Counsellor: The Impact of Childhood Trauma On Your Relationship & Your Communication
An Evolving Man Podcast AEM #67 - Shashi Solluna Leading Sexuality Teacher: Trauma & Relationships How Trauma Impacts Your Relationship & What You Can Do. Her Experiences of Boarding School
An Evolving Man Podcast AEM #66 - Richard Hughes Psychotherapist: "Is It Time To Abolish Boarding Schools? And have Boarding Schools Changed?"
An Evolving Man Podcast AEM #65 - Dr Naomi Murphy Lea ding Forensic Clinical Psychologist | Prisons | Men Managing Distress | Boarding Schools | Leaders
An Evolving Man Podcast AEM #64 - Trish Brennan Patriarchy Under The Spotlight | Relationship Issues | Vulnerability
An Evolving Man Podcast AEM #63 - Shahid Van Helden Intimacy | Porn Addiction | Sex | Trauma | What is Tantra | Men
